i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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