Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
