I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
