I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They took my balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
