I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
