I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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