Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Duck Duck Cougar?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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