dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
