Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
