You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
