when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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