Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
