This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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