got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
