I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
