The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
