It's Friday. Sex?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
