I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
