I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
