I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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