I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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