Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
