He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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