You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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