he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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