I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize