Your face is a jimmy john
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
