WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
