I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
