Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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