I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
