so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
