You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
