i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
