life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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