some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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