OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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