Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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