Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
