Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
