Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
