I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
