just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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