1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
