Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
