Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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