Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
