New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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