Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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