Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
