Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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