Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
