He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
