I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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