considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
