All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
