As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
