Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
