The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
