Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dignity is for republicans.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
