he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
