Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
