she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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