Dual....:-)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
