ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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