its not stalking. its research.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
