A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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