So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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