Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
