I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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