why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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