this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
