Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
