i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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