this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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