And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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