I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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