i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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