is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
