I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
