i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
