How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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