pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
