Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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