dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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