I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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