I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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