True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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