I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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